Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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