If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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