Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
