My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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