my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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