Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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