He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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