I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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