ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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