my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
