So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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