i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Every concussion has its silver lining
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
