u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Randomize
