This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
