Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
