I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize