Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
