I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
