Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
