So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
