When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
