the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
