We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
