i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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