You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
