Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
