i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
