mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
