Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
