Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
