I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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