Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
