Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
