Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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