fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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