so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
