so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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