I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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