i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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