Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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