I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
