If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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