Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
