Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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