I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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