It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
