I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
