my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
