maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Randomize
