So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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