Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
