My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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