I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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