sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize