I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
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