It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize