Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
