Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
