I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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