and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
