Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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