Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
