I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
