soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize