it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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