she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
