does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
