Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
