areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
