she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
