R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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