Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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