i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
