this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
