she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I got inside last night via doggy door
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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