Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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