I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
