I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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