U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
