If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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