A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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