im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
