She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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