Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
