someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
