I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
