Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
