How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
