The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
