So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
